"My affair saved my marriage" - MSN Relationships - article

That whole excuse and the saying it saved her marriage was BS! It was not the affair that saved it, it was the husbands realization that something was wrong. The same thing would have happened if she had packed up and got the hell out. OH and the therapist, don't even get me started. It sounds to me he/she was going of what they would or wouldn't do not what might be best for the relationship. DAMN! I hate it when people say something absolutely unforgivable saved their marriage.

I think it's about time that we get to read an article where it was the woman who cheated, it seems like 99 percent of these articles are always about some man who cheated on his wife. I happen to agree with what the therapist said, hit the nail right on the head, I cannot stand these so called therapists who beat around the bush while not directly addressing the problem. While her actions were wrong, the therapist was right in saying she had to get her emotional needs met some how, but I think she could have done something other than sleep with another man.

"Devastated"

"Moral high ground"

et cetera.... The former word is used far too much these days. The melodrama preceding its use is tiresome.

Their therapist, Margaret, can go to blazes as well. You do not sleep with other people unless you are divorced or your spouse is legally deceased. This is quite simple. In the end you can justify almost anything in life if it arrives at a positive conclusion. The consequences in between are trivialized since EVERYTHING WORKED OUT JUST FINE. We are also supposed to feel badly about the erring spouse who was "forced" to take such dramatic steps....he/she must somehow live with that burden the rest of his/her life despite our words of comfort and reassurnces from therapists and modern day humanistic ethics.

Poor Pagliacci....sigh.

Well, my cynicism is showing, but I have never strayed nor am I looking to appear superior in this column to other readers. My wife and I put effort into our marriage and would never dream of adultery. Yes, that is the correct term....use it: adultery. The word "cheating" applies on school tests, etc..

I say admit your error, face the reality of what you did, seek forgiveness and beg for a second chance. In my opinion all of us deserve a second chance because most of us will screw up our lives in a major way at least once.

Dudes, what do you expect from a woman counselor? Of course she would side with the woman, enabling her actions and then blaming the husband. Same old Blah, Blah, Blah. The woman committed adultery pure and simple. End of story.

I came here expecting to get flamed on my comments, but it seems you guys have already taken them.

I feel not only should she have been aware of the costs and stress of the kind of life marriage to a musician would bring, having an affair with another man to meet 'emotional needs' is BS.

If it's THAT bad, you can legally get divorced. The therapist was a crock, and very unprofessional.

My wife also had an affair after 25 years of marriage, she didn't mind my 60-70 hour work weeks when we were buying a new house, or new cars, or taking expensive vacations but tried to justify her actions with me working to much. I was wrong, I failed to see things, but guess what, so did she and I did not use them to justify an affair. She acts like she was justified in doing so, like she wasn't wrong. The therapist is an idiot to justify her transgressions with his, they are two completely different things. The thing our counselor said that really stuck, I needed to recognize I failed to see the things that were wrong, but she knew exactly what she was doing. So opsman, if a man isn't getting enough sex from his wife its Ok for him to have an affair right, becasue he has to get it somewhere. This is just another sign of people not wanting to take responsiblity for their own actions, choosing to justify it with someone elses transgressions....I wonder when the spouse of her childeren cheat on them if she will be so understanding......he might have been wrong, but he recognized it and did something about it, she seems to not have recognized it nor accepted responsibility for it, she should be ashamed not bragging about saving her marriage by being a cheater

What a bunch of crap. I can't decide what I find more revolting, the fact that she committed adultry, that she doesn't recognize how wrong she was, or that she tries to justify it with his transgressions. Not saying he wasn't wrong, not saying he is blameless but for her to try to justify it and take the high ground that she did something great, she is a cheater and the fact that she does not take responsiblity for her actions, he did not force her to do this she chose to. So opsmen, does it follow that if a guy isn't getting enough sex from his wife he is justified in having an affair becasue he has to get it somewhere. She is a cheater, adulter, whatever you want to call it, plain and simple, her therapist is an idiot or she is misqouting her leaving out the part that she was told she was wrong. Therapist don't have answers, they can't read minds or know who is being totally truthful nor do they have the devine power to determine right or wrong...they are people who can help stimulate conversation and self introspection..but they are just people...just because some female therapist supposedly said she was justified doesn't mean it was...ridiculous article, no one is ever responsible for their own actions anymore...

This thread is awesome! I thought I was going to be the only person who thinks this woman is insane, to print this article is irresponsible and that the real damage done is less trust. Their kids most definately picked up on the tension. What does this say to the kids? That self worth and self respect mean nothing? That you can blame the other person while you cheat on them because they're not around? What a bunch of garbage.

What a crock. Lets tell it like it is. She threw a pity party because she was home with the kids and HE got to travel places and meet people. So she screwed around on him to pay him back. She carries on just like any other adulterer. Whenever anyone cheats they always blame their spouse. 'I'm not a bad person, they made me go out and do it.'

She tries for sympathy by saying 'I stayed home and put my career on hold while he fulfilled his.' Wah wah..Cry me a river... Why didn't she continue her career and get a baby sitter instead of playing the martyr? Or do what every other parent does, work while the kids are in school. I bet she didn't complain about the money he was making so she didn't have to work.

And don't even get me started on the male bashing therapist.

that woman is whacked!

Joe-1180983... You are so correct! The cheating was not what "saved the marriage". It was actually the husbands realization that he may lose his wife and kids. Had she left him before cheating perhaps that would have worked too. In m personal relationship the only deal breaker is cheating. No and ifs or butts about it. To make is seem like this is an OK option is a shame.

Though this article is awful, I'm morally lifted to see that this entire thread is with people with morals and scruples...there is hope for the world! There is hope!

I agree with Alaskan1983 in that this article was morally bankrupt, and that these responses represent a glimmer of hope. While there have been a few, it would be nice if the main article were about how a therapist (preferably female) pointed out that the wife could have done something else besides commit adultery to work things out.

I was the millionaire software guru at one point in my life and when that crashed, my wife freaked and left me (it took a few years). She didn't care about her kids nor her vows, only herself. Since then I found out that her sarcasm works hand in hand with her narcissism, and if you can't be happy with yourself you won't be happy with anyone else either.

Does anybody in their right mind really think that the situation is real? Personally, I think that crap like this gets posted so as to keep interest in a rather dull and boring site. Six months from now they'll have the same story online again so that all who missed it, this go 'round, will have the opportunity to comment on it.

Adultery is still adultery. That is what it is; plain and simple. It's not really that the fellow stayed with his wife because the therapist told him that he had crap for brains and he deserved it because he neglected her needs,, he stayed at home and with his wife because he loved her and was willing to take a different look at her/their situation; you can see that in his actions. She chose to have the affair. Someone who doesn't totally love the person who strays will not normally stay at home and will look for the excuse to leave and shed themselves of an 'albatross.'

My hat is off to this guy for seeing her problem and loving her enough to stay with her, regardless of the choice that she made and the 'poor me' attitude that she came up with. Does anybody rational think that she really thought that he could just up and quit his job to stay at home with her on a daily basis and change diapers, do the laundry and dishes? If he did, they'd have been on welfare in no time flat. His job entailed travel........that should have meant to her that he was going to be gone.

My opinion is that the whole slant of the article was written to get tons if discussion so that we would have something to do rather than fall sleep at the computer while we wait for the page to load.

One thing that torques my shorts is the title of the article, "My affair saved my marriage;" as if it was a good thing. There were other problems in this relationship long before she had the affair and she used the excuse of him working long and hard to jusify her actions. It's an awful poor way to go.